A very good friend of mine sent me this, which does a deep dive into how not only did Christ die on the cross to atone for our sins, but also to heal us. He felt compelled to reach out to me due to all of my anxiety issues-- I can't wait to get started on the material.

It's Satan who puts all of these doubts and anxieties into my mind, to try to stop me from doing the Lord's will. He waits for a moment of vulnerability, then tells me I can't do it-- that I'll make a mistake and be humiliated. My friend also pointed out to me that in succumbing to those fears, I am elevating the opinions of man above God's. After all, if I made a mistake, would God love me any less? In fact, perhaps persevering past and through a mistake would inspire others: "Look at him, he keeps performing ministries, even after what happened!"

Last night we had the Holy Thursday Mass at "the big church" in town. I was blessed with the opportunity to carry and help present the Oil of Catachumens during the opening procession and just after. I also got to wash people's feet immediately after the Homily-- it was incredible watching the love on people's faces, the pureness of heart, with which husbands and wives washed each other's feet, or with which a mother washed her child's feet-- it was etched all over their faces.

While praying after having just received the Body and Blood, I started paying attention to everyone around me. And I mean really paying attention. I watched one of the Extraordinary Ministers, with the cup-- another friend of mine-- shifting his weight a little, like perhaps his back was bothering him, or he was nervous putting himself out there to perform the ministry. I observed everyone going up to receive the Eucharist, and their facial expressions, their little tics, or the tenderness of their smiles.

And for the first time in my life, for just maybe thirty seconds, I felt genuine and heartfelt solidarity-- communion-- with others. I loved all of them. Even the strangers felt like brothers and sisters. I had to hold back tears. I hope I can return to that state again, or eventually maybe live in that mode?

After the Mass was ended, we processed to the old church, which is interiorly adjoined to the new church complex. The priest reposed Jesus in a box, symbolizing His being in the prison cell awaiting trial with Pilate. We spent an hour in front of the Lord, kneeling and praying. During this time, I had a clear mental image develop in my mind's eye. The image was like this:

I saw multitudes of people, in all directions, as far as my eyes could see. Some of them were merely walking, or sitting, or standing still. Others were doing unspeakably bad things to each other. Above each person, there appeared a sort of giant water droplet-- like dew. These giant dew droplets represented God's mercy. Every person within sight had one above them. The water in these droplets was held in by a sort of invisible membrane, as water droplets tend to form ordinarily.

Most of the people-- nine in ten, at least-- either didn't notice their water droplet at all. Or if they did notice, they took no heed of its presence. But some rare people reached up with their hands, and punctured the membranes-- at which point, they were cascaded with water: sopping, dripping wet, hair, clothes and all. This was a showering for them in God's mercy. As the water fell on them, they would raise their hands and their faces up to heaven, and a bright light would shine down on them.

I felt very sad for the people who didn't see the water droplet, or who chose to ignore it. God's grace, infinite love, and mercy was literally right there, right above their heads, on offer freely! All they had to do was reach up and grab it, with a contrite heart!

I need to leave in exactly one hour to help preparations for the 3:00 Good Friday service. I have the great blessing of being able to narrate The Passion for the congregation today. My fellow lector and sacristan, Mary-- who has been an excellent role model for me, she is a very holy woman-- will be in the choir loft as "voice". I'm feeling a little nervous, I have questions about some of the minutae, which I need to clarify with our pastor-- but I always feel more confident once I am within the confines of the church itself, surrounded by everyone, and in the moments performing the actual ministries.

Then tomorrow night it is the Easter Vigil Mass, where once again I am blessed with the responsibility of being lector, and also sacristan. It feels good to be in service to others! I also volunteered to handle the transferring of the new Sacred Oils into their vessels, along with burning the old oils. This feels like a very holy duty for me to perform, and I'm looking forward to doing the job well, with great relish.