The Exigent Duality
Social Contract - 07:27 CST, 9/01/14 (Sniper)
"Great news! I just signed you up for a contract whereby, for the rest of your life, you need to pay 40% of all money you make to my big, muscular friend over there. Yeah, that one-- the guy with the wifebeater and the AR-15!

There are also a few rules he wants you to follow... I've got the list all loaded up in the dump truck, I'll have them back the truck up to your yard in a few minutes.

What's that look for? Listen man, don't worry! If you don't like the rules, once a year you can vote for a different guy who might make different rules.

I hear they have a great selection of guys for this upcoming year; one's name is... Benito something... Mussolini, that's it! There's another fellow named Adolf Hitler, and a third guy named Al Campon. Er, Al Papone. Eh, I can't remember exactly. But hell, I can't wait to see who wins, the suspense is killing me!

Well now that you've got the good news-- oh man, I can tell you're trying to hide that little smile of yours, you sly devil you!-- I do want to give you a small heads-up about my friend.

See, he's got kind of a bad temper, those anger management classes just never took hold, poor fellow. So, um, if you don't give the money to him or won't follow his rules, he'll throw you in the jail in his basement-- but what's life without suffering, right? It builds character, don't be a baby!

And, uh, sorry I didn't consult you about this ahead of time; I guess that's life, huh? But don't worry! If none of this works for you, and you want to get out of the contract, all you need to do is give up everyone you love, abandon all of your property, and move to Indonesia!

Now, my friend has a cousin in Indonesia who will want the same things. But I hear he's a little less muscular, so maybe you'd get along with him better. Gotta' pick your friends carefully, as my mom always said!

And, um: if you do move to Indonesia, you'd also need to bribe my friend, because even if you move he'll still be expecting that money... hey, he's got to afford ammo for his AR-15 somehow, give a guy a break! Don't be so selfish!

Your kids, you ask? Well guess what; you may want to sit down for this one, I don't want you to get too happy and conk the old noggin or anything: I signed them up for the contract too! Aren't you excited!"