My daughter is a fan of the music from pop artist Meghan Trainor, and as such I've been hearing a lot of this woman's songs around the house-- especially this one. Incidentally, I also ran across a touching editorial, wherein the author applauds the aforementioned Trainor for coming around to feminism; "it's about time" after all! You go, girl!

But I've got a little bit of a problem here, and now is as good of a time as any to bring this up. Look ladies, you have two options on the table-- you can pick one, and only one:

1. Sure-- I'll "treat you like a lady"! I'll buy you "flowers every anniversary", tell you you're "beautiful each and every night", apologize even when you're wrong. Hell, I'll even open the car door for you, pull out your chair at the dinner table, and gallantly throw my coat over every puddle so you won't get your dainty little feet wet! No problem.
   
   All I expect in turn is that you then act "like a lady": I expect you home, every day, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and in the kitchen all afternoon making damned sure that my hot dinner is ready for me, promptly, when I arrive at home from work. I want my household spotless, and operating like a well-oiled machine! You "never learned to cook", as the song says? Awww shucks darling, that's no problem; the front door is right over there-- please don't let it hit you on the way out, wouldn't want your delicate little tush getting bruised now, would we?


2. Oh, but you tell me you're a feminist, and you want "equal rights and opportunities" as the editorial says? Ok, I'm all for "equality of the sexes!" In fact, I prefer it!
   
   So here's the deal darling; you can wear high heels to accentuate your ass, plaster your face with makeup, and wear low-cut shirts because you know I have money and you want to latch on-- and I'm not falling for it. Rather, the opposite: I'm going to call you out for being a slut. If you decide to stop acting like some kind of parasite, get your act together, and we do hook up, we're never getting married-- that way if you dump me, no alimony heading your way, dearie! After all, equality is our mantra!
   
   Oh, and we'll keep separate checking accounts-- you buy your food and clothes with yours, I'll buy mine with mine. Mortgage is in my name? I'll be expecting that rent check the first of every month, bright and early. Equality dear, equality! You want a promotion at work to fill up that little checking account of yours? Get in line with all of the men then; no more sex-based "affirmative action" and female hiring quotas for you.
   
   A war is brewing you say? Equality dear, equality! Have fun in some third-world shit hole, eating worms and dodging mortar fire alongside the men. You want to leave me, and want the kids too? No preferential custody treatment for you my dear-- after all, equality of the sexes!

Ladies: you can either have "traditional" sex roles for men and women and be "treated like a lady" by acting like a lady, accountabilities included, or you can choose to have equality and be "treated like a man" by acting like a man, meaning no more institutionalized "female privilege". What you absolutely can not do is selectively pick and choose the best from both, while conveniently sweeping aside all of the obligations of either.