Genre: 3d Fighter
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo

The Akira or Ryu of Arms, "Spring Man", with his Colgate toothpaste-like hair and Slinky arms, his body seemingly molded out of Play-Doh, quickly coils his way into "uncanny valley" territory; in fact, the entire cast's construction strands a vulgar line between the organic and the artificial. The boards are of inconsistent craftsmanship, with some-- such as the junk yard-- featuring "Mario Kart 8" levels of sharpness, while others-- like the car-filled road stage of the especially disturbing character "Twintelle"-- invoking almost Dreamcast-like texture quality.

Arms' theme song, with its African tribal-like rolling vocal choruses and bongo drums, is quite possibly the most obnoxiously pretentious song that this reviewer has ever heard in a video game. The stage music is about as forgettable as sound track selections get, while the title's sound effects are likewise lacking in the "memorable" category.

With its over-the-shoulder perspective, constant circle-strafing gameplay, and selectable weapons-- each of which has an elemental power-- for each limb, Arms is clearly inspired by Sega's by-now venerable "Virtual On" series. It also utilizes the classic "paper-rock-scissors" triangle so typical of fighting games. Everything feels "tight", but the characters move excruciatingly slow-- meaning that the "dash" button becomes the player's best friend. The game also lacks a satisfying rhythm, with huge numbers of dead frames after dash and knockdown animations.

Beyond the abominable character designs and missing-in-action aural direction, all of the developers' efforts were clearly put into the game's default and predictably dreadful Wii-style "waggle" control scheme, leaving the standard controller methods in an ill-thought state. But an even bigger problem is that the herky-jerky, "rock 'em sock 'em robots" gameplay just isn't fun-- a fact which isn't helped by the game's dearth of modes. All in all, this title is like the old pseudo-3d fighter "Ballz"; experimental aesthetic, experimental gameplay, but misses a lot more punches than it hits.